In last week's Community Check-in, one of our community members wrote in with the following question:
"I love someone but they don't treat me with respect. What should I do?"
This post is for that person, and for all of you out there who have struggled with this in the past or continue to experience it in your lives.
Here's what I want you to know:
Respect is the foundation for healthy relationships.
The renowned couples therapist Terry Real has argued that the key to a loving marriage is something that he calls "Full Respect Living."
Full Respect Living is:
Making a commitment that, no matter what, you will not treat another human being in a disrespectful way.
Making a commitment that, no matter what, you will not allow yourself to be disrespected by another human being.
Real points out the sad truth: our intimate relationships are often the place where Full Respect Living can be hardest to practice. But it is possible and it truly, deeply matters in order to facilitate any loving relationship.
We can stand up for ourselves or ask for what we need while also treating the other person with respect. We can navigate tough times and be in conflict while also treating each other with respect. Respect is always possible.
You are a human being with inherent worth. And the person that you are in relationship with is also a human being with inherent worth. Treating people with respect is about recognizing their inherent worthiness and treating them accordingly, as well as expecting the same level of treatment in return.
Don't settle for a relationship that doesn't have a stable foundation. Without it, how can you build everything else that you want: safety. trust, companionship, support, compassion, passion, joy and love?
You deserve respect.